A heartache or a crown of thorns

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I have been recently very close to God especially since my father-in-law passed away. I hear a lot of devotional talks and encourage my family to pray more (not that they enjoy it lol) but they still do it for my sake.

What especially came across these talks was the importance of suffering in Christian life and how we are called to join our suffering with Christ's suffering on the cross.

Then, I used to think - I don't really have that much pain in my life to unite with Jesus' pain.

I was on a short Indian trip last month to help my mum to travel to Germany because my parents had to go there to finish few things off before they settled forever in India.

A heart-breaking pain was given to me after such a long time. One would have thought, you wouldn't face such trials again when you are in communion with Christ (partly the reason why I decided to bravely expose myself to this trial).

I was hurting so much which I shared with one of my closest friends only. Day 1 passed by, day 2 and then day 3. I couldn't understand why God would allow me this pain.

While I was on the flight, travelling to Germany, I suddenly had a revelation. Fr. Mathew Vayalamannil said once, upon experiencing a high degree of avoidance or embarrassment in his life by some people, he looked at the empty space on the other side of the cross on which Jesus hung, he put himself there and united his misery to Christ's suffering and then he dedicated his pain for a person who had no hair on his head. This person's friend had randomly called the priest at around this time and requested to pray for hair to grow on his scalp. After several years, the priest met this person at an event and was told the person did actually grow hair on his head!

So, I believe I was presented with this sorrow to accept it whole heartedly and to combine it with Jesus' agony. I know that my pain is nothing compared to what He tolerated on the cross. I feel like I am also wearing the thorny crown.

I am thankful for this opportunity to suffer with Christ and I dedicate my distress for a special intention. I am sure God can grant me this wish if He is willing to do so. I surrender myself to you, O Lord.

Thank you Jesus for helping me to realise this. I also offer my ache and my heart's utmost desire as an offering to You just like Abraham, without a doubt, decided to give up his only son when You requested this of him.

I love you Lord with all my heart and all my soul. I desire to receive you into my soul always and forever.

P.S Reference to the YouTube link is given below if you would like to listen and if you understand Malayalam. It is a bit long but worth listening, trust me 😊

 https://youtu.be/AQUo98OAtXQ?si=U_DtBah2XE0qmVt0

Fr Mathew Vayalamannil's talk about suffering








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